Sunday, November 10, 2013

Changes Are a Comin'

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When you're little, time seems to go on forever. Two months of summer vacation feels like an eternity, one hour feels like five, and the days spanning between one holiday to the next are filled with torturous anticipation. Even now when I get out of school at the end of June, the lazy days of summer sprawl before me like a deck of cards- all the numbers are the same, still black and red, but the arrangements and possibilities are endless. Especially this year because the typical two month break was instead going to be a four and a half month leave of absence in preparation for and care of our second baby girl.

So here I am. Tomorrow I will be picking right back up where I left off in June, except plus one in the home category...If only the "exception" was that simple. That exception is a cherub-faced, blue eyed, dimpley little bundle of love. I have spent 3 amazing months cherishing every second and basking in baby goodness. I've felt immense joy watching Violet, despite her occasional 3-year-old mood swings, adore her baby sister. She is gentle and kind to Ruby. Already protective and genuinely attached to her I find myself eagerly looking forward to their future together forming the bond that grows from the seeds of laughter, tears, fights and fears. A connection that only sisters have, one that I share with my sister and my mom shares with hers. 



If you had asked me a month ago if I wanted to go back to work or wished I could be a SAHM I would have told you I was ready to go back that minute. I've never been good at dealing with monotony, and being home every day feels monotonous to me. I get stir crazy and bored while avoiding the mile long list of chores that need to be done. I just can't make myself do them. I'm a terrible housewife. I don't cook, I hate cleaning, I'm disorganized and despise grocery shopping. My maternal side comes through in my actions towards my kids and the genuine love I have for them. It's a good thing I missed the Donna Reed era because I would be regarded as a heathen. I guess I'm "ready" to go back to work in that respect, but I can't shake the butterflies that fill my belly when I think about it, because if there's one thing I hate more than monotony, it's change. How's that for a contradiction?

I like the comfort of knowing what to expect. I'm that girl who dreamed of traveling abroad, then called home crying and homesick from Italy. Hell, I used to get homesick at sleepovers with the girls next door! Sometimes being surrounded by the unfamiliar overwhelms and intimidates me. So why am I stressing so much? Tomorrow when I walk back in to my art room and see the smiling faces of the kids I truly missed these last few months, I will feel like I'm home again. I'll think about the worrying I did and laugh at myself, get things back where they need to be and remember why I love my job so much and why I'm glad to be there. It's not overwhelming or intimidating because I'm good at my job. I'm confident in that, and if there's one thing that can conquer anxiety it's confidence. I'm also confident that the girls are in good hands. I am so lucky that I don't have to pay for day care. My Dad watched Violet from when she was 4 months old and now will care for Ruby while Vi is at school and juggle them both for a few hours until myself or John get home. Still, I've gotten quite comfy in our routine these last few months so here I am battling. Deal with change to break the monotony or make peace with it all together. Not that I have much of a choice- tomorrow will come no matter what and eventually this change of pace will be a welcome one, then I settle in to another routine and then returns monotony. Such is life!

One thing I haven't yet figured out is how I will maintain The Patchwork Paisley after all the hard work I've put in to it since June. Any tips on how to find time in a day that only affords 24 hours? 


21 comments:

  1. Wow! I couldn't even imagine going back to work now or the feelings that would come over me. I admire you and your strength. I know that you will find a way to make it all work...you're a strong woman and an even better Mom! xoxoxo

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  2. Good luck! You will find a good groove and your life will be wonderfully full. Dont worry about the blog.. Just like all things you will adjust and the blog will too a bit to fit your life!
    Wonderfully written tonight. I loved reading this!

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  3. I wish I could give you the advice, but I can hardly do that when I can't get myself in the juggling of being a SAHW. Every weekend I say I"m going to catch up, haha. You've probably read that on my blog yourself! Have a wonderful day tomorrow. Think of the peace knowing your dad takes care of the precious ones. How cool is that! Adorable by the way, Meg!

    I want to hear all about your first day back xo!

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  4. It takes a lot of getting used to, been there too :) i guess we just need to trust that everything's g0nna be fine.

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  5. ugh, Meg! That is so me also. I def called home at sleepovers like "Mom. Come and get me, please." I'm complicated and simple. I like change and hate it at the same time. I can't wait to leave the house everyday to work and then I leave and miss my little faces. Why can't we be simple??? Sometimes, I wish I were a man. ;)

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    1. omg....cracking up at the I wish I were a man statement....rich!

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  6. I am totally that way too- desperate to travel but homesick the instant I get there. Ooof. Lucky duck that your dad is watching your girls- I wish the grandparents lived closer for us. Daycare is expensive!!

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    1. Daycare is astronomical. I don't understand how anyone affords it. We are really lucky. I seriously was that girl calling her parents at midnight asking to come be picked up. Call me Dorothy cuz there's not place like home!

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  7. It might take a little while, but you'll find your pattern for working, and mothering, and blogging. I find I fit little things in here and there, rather than waiting for that one big block of time. I will hit Twitter while waiting int he pic up line, and have my laptop on the island in the kitchen while cooking dinner so I can hop on Facebook while I'm waiting for water to boil. You'll find what works for you. And if you have to step back a little to figure it out, we'll all wait for you and be ready to read more when you get to it! Good luck!

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    1. I've definitely been spreading it out, but now I feel so scatterbrained trying to keep track of what I have to do! I hope you will all wait, because I know it's going to suffer in some area. I just don't want to lose my motivation in the process which sometimes happens when I shift focus.

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  8. I work partime while my mom keeps the little one and the others go to school. I like knowing I'm the one who drops them off and I'm the one who picks them up. I miss my baby while I'm gone but it feels good to contribute and to get some interaction from grownups. I do miss them when I'm at work but my mom has built a wonderful relationship with my kids and I'm very thankful that someone loves them almost as much as I do. :)

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    1. The interaction is what I miss the most. I love my friends at work. They really are what makes the days enjoyable. The kids too actually! It is a bit hard to deal with not knowing what their routine is like though. I am a bit controlling about that because no one else around me seems to be concerned!

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  9. I wish I could give you advice on balancing but I am struggling to fit blogging into my sahm schedule which usually involves: wake up, drink coffee, run, play with baby, nap, eat lunch, shop, dinner, bath, bedtime, downtime. I can't fit blogging into that hectic schedule....go figure.

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    1. That pretty much was my schedule all summer long except instead of running and napping, I was blogging and downtime= blogging while "watching" tv.

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  10. I can't imagine adding a full time job into my day. I already have a full time job- mothering 3 boys! Then there's the blog that I'm trying to turn into employment and piano lessons throughout the week. I guess I'm a WAHM. Somehow, we all make it work. :) You do what you have to do, and what's most important just takes precedence over the other things! Visiting from SITS Sharefest. Hope your first day went well!

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    1. That is definitely more than a full time job! I dont know how FTMs do it. Truly.

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  11. OH! This will be new territory for you! I'm sure you will figure out how to keep your blog going with the new changes in your life! I can't think of anything specific to share because that would be new territory for me too since I'm a SAHM :) That's nice that your Dad gets to watch the girls. I'm sure he will love spending all that time with them! Thanks so much for supporting me and sharing on my new linky Countdown in Style. Don't forget to come back on Friday to see if you have been featured! xoxo

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    1. I am so lucky to have him watch them. He's pretty amazing. I will definitely swing by on Friday and make sure to link up each week! Always willing to support a bloggy BFF ;)

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  12. I can only imagine how you feel! I too have to return to work after maternity leave and I don't even want to think about it. Fortunately, I'll be going back right before the holidays (Christmas and New Years), so I'll be right back off for the break. I plan on keeping up my blog once going back to work. I'll most likely have to cut down on frequency of posting, but I'm okay with that. You've worked hard on your blog, I'm sure you'll find a balance with everything and continue it.

    Tenns @ New Mama Diaries

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    1. That's exactly what I did. I literally did not think about it until the night before (except for a little week before stressing) I'm worried about the posting, but I can do that over the weekends. It's more the maintenance I'm worries about. Keeping up with relationships, link up and such. Then there's the mile long list of goal and things I wanted to accomplish for my blog...Ill figure it out eventually I guess! Good luck to you going back to work too!

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  13. Right now, I'm a SAHM and I can't imagine going back. Even though I have confidence, I think I'm intimated by the prospect since I haven't had to practice any skills related to my industry in the past few years. I may have to address it eventually though. For now, I will enjoy the time I have with them. You'll be great!

    Thanks for sharing and linking up with Countdown in Style! Don't forget to come back on Friday to see if you were featured!

    ~~April~~
    100lbCountdown.com

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