When you're little, time seems to go on forever. Two months of summer vacation feels like an eternity, one hour feels like five, and the days spanning between one holiday to the next are filled with torturous anticipation. Even now when I get out of school at the end of June, the lazy days of summer sprawl before me like a deck of cards- all the numbers are the same, still black and red, but the arrangements and possibilities are endless. Especially this year because the typical two month break was instead going to be a four and a half month leave of absence in preparation for and care of our second baby girl.
So here I am. Tomorrow I will be picking right back up where I left off in June, except plus one in the home category...If only the "exception" was that simple. That exception is a cherub-faced, blue eyed, dimpley little bundle of love. I have spent 3 amazing months cherishing every second and basking in baby goodness. I've felt immense joy watching Violet, despite her occasional 3-year-old mood swings, adore her baby sister. She is gentle and kind to Ruby. Already protective and genuinely attached to her I find myself eagerly looking forward to their future together forming the bond that grows from the seeds of laughter, tears, fights and fears. A connection that only sisters have, one that I share with my sister and my mom shares with hers.
If you had asked me a month ago if I wanted to go back to work or wished I could be a SAHM I would have told you I was ready to go back that minute. I've never been good at dealing with monotony, and being home every day feels monotonous to me. I get stir crazy and bored while avoiding the mile long list of chores that need to be done. I just can't make myself do them. I'm a terrible housewife. I don't cook, I hate cleaning, I'm disorganized and despise grocery shopping. My maternal side comes through in my actions towards my kids and the genuine love I have for them. It's a good thing I missed the Donna Reed era because I would be regarded as a heathen. I guess I'm "ready" to go back to work in that respect, but I can't shake the butterflies that fill my belly when I think about it, because if there's one thing I hate more than monotony, it's change. How's that for a contradiction?
I like the comfort of knowing what to expect. I'm that girl who dreamed of traveling abroad, then called home crying and homesick from Italy. Hell, I used to get homesick at sleepovers with the girls next door! Sometimes being surrounded by the unfamiliar overwhelms and intimidates me. So why am I stressing so much? Tomorrow when I walk back in to my art room and see the smiling faces of the kids I truly missed these last few months, I will feel like I'm home again. I'll think about the worrying I did and laugh at myself, get things back where they need to be and remember why I love my job so much and why I'm glad to be there. It's not overwhelming or intimidating because I'm good at my job. I'm confident in that, and if there's one thing that can conquer anxiety it's confidence. I'm also confident that the girls are in good hands. I am so lucky that I don't have to pay for day care. My Dad watched Violet from when she was 4 months old and now will care for Ruby while Vi is at school and juggle them both for a few hours until myself or John get home. Still, I've gotten quite comfy in our routine these last few months so here I am battling. Deal with change to break the monotony or make peace with it all together. Not that I have much of a choice- tomorrow will come no matter what and eventually this change of pace will be a welcome one, then I settle in to another routine and then returns monotony. Such is life!
One thing I haven't yet figured out is how I will maintain The Patchwork Paisley after all the hard work I've put in to it since June. Any tips on how to find time in a day that only affords 24 hours?